Who doesn’t love a little bit of nerd based consumerism? Nobody, that’s who. And there is no better time to be a history nerd than right now, mainly because the internet exists and all sorts of novelty essential historic goodies are at your fingertips.
In celebration of that wondrous fact I bring you the very best in Tudor swag, to help you adorn every facet of your life with your only slightly unhealthy Anne Boleyn obsession (other wives are available)
FYI:Nothing in this article is an ad/sponsored; all just my personal opinions
God knows I love a brew, but only one thing makes a cup of tea perfect: a historic mug.
These mugs come with not only a seriously cool six wives illustration (By artist, Sarah Cole) but also information on each wife’s tumultuous marriage AND what happened to her post-Henry (obvs, sadly Anne B, Jane, and Catherine H don’t get this…)
And the mugs are bone china, which makes tea taste even better (Fact!)
That’s right your very own B necklace. Staple of all good Anne Boleyn portraits and period drama costumes
Peep that necklace though
You gotta give it to Anne, she was rocking a statement necklace waaaay before it was essential to every good accessory addict’s wardrobe. Truly, Anne is an iconic fashion icon (Seriously, never forget; girl bought back the French hood!)
Bonus: If your first or last name starts with a B, you’re really getting a double deal here: initial necklace AND Anne Boleyn tribute.
What better way to mark your place in the latest Tudor popcorn read, than with your own Queen bookmark?
Each bookmark comes with a quote pertaining to Elizabeth or Mary. As well as an adorable illustration and fun tassel (Perfect for absently minded fiddling during more dull chapters)
They can be bought as a pair or separately. Although, thinking of their history, keeping these two apart might not be such a bad thing…
Christmas just isn’t Christmas without a six wives decoration. They’re traditional (Well, at least I just declared them traditional)
You can either buy each wife individually or as a set, which also includes Henry VIII. Meaning you can create a whole festive scene with the six wives…and leave Henry relegated to the back of the tree, where he may accidentally fall on the floor. Oops.
Fuck it, just leave him in the box
Fun fact:The company that makes these decorations, also makes other history themed Christmas decorations (Including a suffragette) so you can create a whole historic festive theme if you so desire.
I’m a little bit in love with this charm bracelet, partly because so much thought has clearly gone into it.
Each charm represents a key part of Mary’s life, so there’s a Fleur de Lis for her time at French court, a thistle for Scotland and a dinky axe for, well, obvious reasons.
The shop also sells charm bracelets for other rulers of the era, including Elizabeth. Each of Henry VIII’s wives and even Richard III.
God damn I love the internet. Seriously, where else could you find postcards depicting Elizabeth I’s time travelling journey through Montana’s history?
Created by artist, Leslie Van Stavern Millar, these snapshots of a barmy but brilliant reality, show Elizabeth doing everything from meeting Sacajewa, downing wine with Jeanette Rankin and of course, refereeing an iconic 1923 boxing match.
Seriously. God bless the internet
This was interesting, where can I find out more? For more shopping fun time, why not check out our post on the very best suffrage swag!
Talking about haunted places in Britain is a doddle… it’d probably be easier to tell you places that aren’t haunted or have some kind of horrific supernatural story behind it. We’re tripping over ghosts and castles everywhere!
But these 5…. these 5 places are so horrifically haunted that they deserve a special place in the heart of every Halloween loving goth kid.
So. Many. Fucking. Ghosts. Via Giphy
Hampton Court Palace
This place has hella ghosts. Like so many that we could probably do a post just on Hampton Court… but we have a word count to keep to (and other haunted spots to visit) so we’ll touch base with just some of their more famous spooks.
The ghosts of Catherine Howard AND Jane Seymour (wives of historical gobshite King Henry VIII) are supposedly busy getting their spook on here.
It is said that Catherine haunts the (rather aptly named) haunted gallery. Catherine supposedly ran down the gallery to beg Henry for mercy; her attempt failed and Henry had her head cut off in 1541. Now Catherine is stuck in some kind of horrifying historic limbo, forever trapped wailing in that corridor.
Yeeeeeah…Henry was a dick! Via Giphy
Henry’s 3rd wive, Jane, also supposedly haunts Hampton Court and can be seen walking through the palace courtyards carrying a lantern. She died at the palace in 1537 giving birth to King Henry VIII’s only male heir, Edward. TBH considering what a shit nozzle Henry was, she got off lightly.
Hampton Court’s most famous ghost though is SKELETOR (not the He Man baddie sadly).
CCTV caught this spook in 2003 after security staff noticed the fire doors near the Clock Court kept being violently flung open and closed again.
CCTV CAUGHT THE IMAGE OF THE GHOST IN A FANCY ROBE!
Skeletor! Via Giphy
One half of F Yeah History even had her own ghostly encounter whilst working there. Whilst in one of the shops, Greensleeves started playing on the shops iPod speaker system (nightmarish enough) but the song wouldn’t stop playing, looping itself on an endless repeat.
Our brave lass unplugged the iPod AND IT STILL KEPT PLAYING GREENSLEEVES!
Note: The other half of F Yeah History is a ghost non-believer and would like to point out that she reckons the speakers were just broken…but screw that we’re going with GHOSTS
Glasgow Necropolis
Now this super ancient graveyard has the literal name ‘city of the dead’ opened in 1833. The place is seriously crowded, housing over 50,000 souls; so you’re bound to see some weird shit happen round there.
Sightings of ghosts have been spotted since its conception, and locals advise that if you’re going there alone at night you should be respectful and polite, unless you want a ghost boot up the arse.
The John Henry Alexander Monument at Glasgow Necropolis. Via Wikipedia
One of the stranger rumours was that a vampire lurked round this graveyard back in the 1950’s, there were several sightings of a tall sinister looking man in a huge cape who disappeared into thin air if confronted and the vampire was blamed for the disappearance of two local children.
Local kids armed themselves with knives and homemade stakes and patrolled for two nights back in September of 1954.
Local PC Alex Deeprose was called down to make the kiddies dispurse, he was shocked at the sheer number of them and it took weeks for the patrols to stop!
Sadly a bit before her time… via Giphy
Bolsover Castle
One of our faves, Bolsover is chock full of supernatural shenanigans. This site has had reports of spooky sightings, people being pushed about by unseen forces and objects moving around between locked doors!
Haunted AF Bolsover Castle. Via Wikipedia
Bolsover was built on an ancient burial ground (recipe for supernatural disaster) and has been around since the 11th Century, so there’s a bum load of history there and room for plenty of ghosts.
One of the more well-known ghosts is that of a little boy who holds the hand of female visitors when they explore the garden.
They’ve had staff check out after experiencing spooks first hand. Night shift security guards have handed in their notice after seeing lights and hearing voices when checking the site on their own.
Once during some routine maintenance work 4 builders watched a period clad lady walk through a wall near where they were working. Two of them decided ‘fuck this!’ and didn’t come back.
What he said… via Giphy
Note: The other half of F Yeah History would like to note that Bolsover is so supposedly haunted, that its staff have had to start a ghost sightings books, just to keep up with all the creepy shenanigans (apparently, despite not believing in ghosts, the other half of F Yeah History is a know it all…)
Woodchester Mansion
Woodchester Mansion is just a shell of what would have been an impressive gothic mansion, it’s a strange story because the build was suddenly abandoned in the 1870s and no one ever finished off the work, so it’s stood there for over a hundred years.
Looks quite nice in the daytime! Via Wikipedia
There were rumours one of the workers was murdered on site, and his ghost haunted remaining builders there who downed tools and promptly fucked off… the likelihood is that the money for the build just ran out.
From there its history reads like a series of American Horror story!
During the Second World War the grounds of the house were used for D-Day training and one day a fatal accident took place when a bridge over the lake collapsed and soldiers performing a drill were drowned.
Their bodies were taken back to the house and their ghosts still haunt the ruins; visitors claim to have seen men in uniform wandering through the house.
😱 via Giphy
The house itself is said to house a bunch of seriously nasty ghosties. Before it was turned into a gothic shell it was the site of a few other fancy houses so the site has collected all the ghosts from previous incarnations.
There’s a ghost monk in the chapel, a mean old lady ghost who grabs at people in the dark and the ghost of a small girl who likes to trip people up (so all nice people)
It’s been featured in loads of ghost hunter TV shows like Most Haunted and Ghost Hunters International so if you want to get in on the action book yourself in for a ghost hunt there. They do them all the fecking time!
Bleeding Heart Yard
This one is proper creepy. Legend has it that Lady Elizabeth Hatton a beautiful Tudor socialite was brutally murdered in the yard.
She was found torn limb from limb and her still beating heart was left in the road found by a (probably) really fecking traumatised passer-by.
People have reported hearing a loud beating sound like, y’know…. a heartbeat, when in the yard, others have seen a mournful looking woman said to be the ghost of Elizabeth looking for her still beating heart.
Depending on the legend she was either murdered by her lover, a penniless dancer, who was jealous of her attention from rich fancy men or it was the devil himself who killed her. Not much difference between those two really.
Now it houses a super fancy bistro (their eggs Royale is the tits), but we used to work near there and neither of us would walk down the yard at night. It is creepy as fuck.
We hope you enjoyed our countdown, if you fancy visiting for yourself there’s ghost tours round most of these ones that go on year round. Bolsover even has its own FrightFest this October celebrating all their ghosties!
Sara Westrop is passionate about making history accessible (and fun!) for everyone. A disabled, queer writer from just outside London, who loves writing about the unsung chapters of history.
Who doesn’t love a wedding? Trick question! Everyone does. There’s cake, booze and tons of stuff to secretly judge (we all do, its fine!)…sadly though there are also dull great aunts, too long speeches and the fact that wearing heels for more than 3 hours is basically torture.
And THAT my friends is why a Royal Wedding, is the best kind of wedding.
You can not so secretly judge away at every little detail, free from guilt and without any form of shoe based pain! THE DREAM.
So in that judgemental spirit, we’ll be pitting iconic royal wedding dresses against each other to discover which royal bride had the best (and worst) dress in history!
For this we will be ranking each on the below categories (out of 10)
Dress functionality(because everyone needs to be pee)
Poofyness (v important)
Sass factor(also v important)
Ability to look back at pictures without thinking you looked an absolute twat
I’ll also be taking away 5 points if the dress is so expensive that you need to sell your organs/first born to afford it.
At the end we’ll see which historic wedding dress wins!
Right then! Lets get started!!!!
settle in, it’s gonna get messy!
For much of history, wedding dresses were only a thing for the rich. They were a chance to show of wealth and status; because, well..marriage was an exchange of goods between families and the dress was just a chance to show off how awesome those goods were (sad but true!)
So where as poorer brides would wear their nicest dress, rich brides would deck themselves in jewels, embroidery, beading and sumptuous fabrics in all colours of the rainbow.
That’s right, colours! Vivid reds and blues, yellows, even golds. This dress would serve as a girls best dress for a while, so why waste it on a colour that gets dirty crazy easily and is hard to wear again?
Well, logic like that doesn’t matter if you’re…
Mary Queen of Scots
In 1558 Mary Queen of Scots married Francis, Dauphin of France, in a no expenses spared ceremony in Paris.
The coming together of two countries was an auspicious occasion that demanded the best in lavish excess and Mary more than held up her end of things with her dress.
Hooray for child weddings!
The train of Mary’s dress was over 10 ft long and so stuffed with jewels that it required two ladies maids to hold it aloft at all times!
Mary carried the theme of all the jewels into her accessories, rocking a golden cornet and necklace, both absolutely stuffed with gems.
Yet despite all its rocks Mary’s dress caused quite the scandal; you see Mary…..
WORE WHITE!
The scandalous bitch!
Now, in the 16th century white was a colour of mourning, not really the vibe you want for a wedding.
BUT white was Mary’s favourite colour! She thought it made her look amazing and emphasised her porcelain skin and auburn hair; so haters be damned, she was wearing god damn white if she wanted to.
Sadly it didn’t prove to be a great sartorial choice.
Two years after the wedding, Mary’s groom died, which caused the French court to claim that Mary’s white dress was to blame, as her poor fashion choices must have cursed their wedding and killed her hubby!
Rating:
Functionality: 3/10(you need 2 ladies to carry the dress at all times, it doesn’t say much for how likely you are to be able to pee…)
Poofyness: 6/10
Sass Factor: 10/10
Ability to look back without thinking you looked an absolute twat: 0/10(sorry, but if people think your dress killed your husband, its not great is it now?)
And I’ll be taking away 5 points for cost, as even for a Royal all those gems are leaving you out of pocket!
Overall: 14/40
Princess Charlotte
Princess Charlotte of Wales was a hugely popular royal; heir to the throne and a bit of a fashionista – it shouldn’t come as a surprise that her 1816 wedding to Prince Leopold (later King of Belgium) was a big fucking deal!
On the morning of the wedding people lined the streets hoping to catch a glimpse of Charlotte. And when she finally emerged, she caused an immediate stir.
This is most likely only 1 part of Charlottes dress…but still, so pretty!
Charlottes dress was made of a woven silver thread with intricate embroidered flowers on the hem.
Under the dress was a tissue slip made of the same silver thread and on top was a sheer silk netting. Charlotte’s mantua was an estimated 7.4 feet and she was also dripping in diamonds. It’s even said that Charlotte had diamonds in her hair.
I repeat. Diamonds. In. Her. Hair.
The whole thing cost an estimated £10,000. Or in a todays money, a cool 800k.
I’m sorry now…how much?
Rating:
Functionality: 5/10(The fact that she didn’t need help to move is a plus, but that 7 foot mantua must have made going through doors a bloody nightmare!)
Poofyness: 7/10
Sass Factor: 8/10
Ability to look back without thinking you looked an absolute twat: 7/10
I’ll be taking away 5 points for cost, as a wedding dress shouldn’t cost the same as a Donald Trump golfing holiday.
Overall rating: 22/40
Queen Victoria
Victoria wanted a lot from her dress. You see, big priority for her was making sure that her dress reflected British industries, which would grow British trade (admittedly a bit of a big ask for a dress!)
More than that though, Victoria wanted her dress to make it clear her new husband was not becoming her subject. See, Victoria was really traditional and in marrying Albert she wanted to become his wife, not his Queen.
So Vic dumped the red ceremonial robes and instead plumped for something demure, simple and British made. Keen to promote the hand made British lace industry (which was taking a bit of a battering thanks to the industrial revolution!) Vic decided to cover her dress in delicate lace.
And to make the lace really stand out, Vic went rogue.
She wore an all white dress.
Victoria was actually the first British royal to ever wear an all white dress. And it wasn’t to symbolise purity (she wore Orange Blossom to symbolise that!) the white, was just to pimp out British lace.
BUT the trend stuck. Soon brides all over the country were copying the Queen and wearing a white dress for their weddings.
Rating:
Functionality: 10/10
Poofyness: 4/10
Sass Factor: 5/10
Ability to look back without thinking you looked an absolute twat: 10/10 (when you start a 100+ year old wedding trend, you kinda nailed kt…)
As Victoria’s dress was used to promote British industry, I’ll be taking away no points!
Overall rating: 29/40
Wallis Simpson
When Wallis Simpson was picking out her wedding dress for her 1937 marriage to The Duke of Windsor (formally King Edward Vlll) she was walking a very precarious tightrope of public opinion.
Everyone was still pretty pissed off that the King had abdicated to be with her, plus Wallis was a two time divorcee, which people weren’t fans of.
Both gossip magazines and the public thought it would be deeply inappropriate for her to wear white, as she’d been married before! Colour wasn’t the only issue facing Wallis.
She wouldn’t be getting a huge royal wedding (In the same way Edward now wouldn’t be getting his huge royal coronation…) so if she stepped out in full princess poof…well…it wouldn’t go well.
Basics this. But with more pitchforks
Luckily Wallis wasn’t the fro fro princess type. After all this was the lady who famously said:
‘you can never be too rich or too thin’
*not great advice, btw
Wallis opted for a simple understated dress in a bespoke pale blue (dubbed ‘Wallis Blue’ as it matched her eyes)
She followed royal protocol, covering her cleavage and arms, but bar that it was nipped in, slinky and all in all, a big two fingers up to the monarchy.
Instead of a veil Wallis wore a hat with a tulle ‘halo’.
Sources from the time suggested the ‘halo’ was to help people warm to her and see her in a less demonised way; wearing a literal halo seems a bit on the nose, but it’s your wedding day, you do you boo.
Rating:
Functionality: 10/10
Poofyness: 0/10
Sass Factor: 7/10
Ability to look back without thinking you looked an absolute twat: 7/10
Overall rating: 24/40
Diana, Princess of Wales
Truly the Kardashians of wedding dresses. You can’t get away from it. It’s everywhere. It’s even got it’s own Wikipedia page!!!!
Designed by David and Elizabeth Emanuel, Diana’s dress was huge.Both in scale of the global media attention it received (and continues to get!) and in the form of the actual dress.
The train came in at 25 feet.It had thousands of pearls and and sequins sewn throughout its many many layers. Estimates for the dress cost vary, but the latest one (from the designer) is just under £4,500 (at the current exchange rate) which seems a bit of a steal!
SO. MUCH. POOF!
Within hours of Diana appearing in the dress, brides were calling up for copies and soon a decade long love of meringue dresses was born.
Rating:
Functionality: 3/10*cough* 25ft train
Poofyness: 10/10
Sass Factor: 5/10
Ability to look back without thinking you looked an absolute twat: 3/10(I’m sorry!)
Overall rating: 21/40
So the results are in!
I can reveal that official (ish) best wedding dress in history is:
Queen Victoria’s wedding dress from her 1840 wedding to Prince Albert!
For the next 4 days I’m going to try out lipsticks from history. From The 1300s to the 1940’s, I’ll be testing them all. On my lips…
Via giphy
I’ll admit to being something of a lipstick junkie, to the extent I have a small chest of drawers to hold all my lip products (yes it’s an addiction, but it’s not meth-so back off!) But it’s not just me that’s obsessed with lipstick; It’s a trend that’s endured throughout history.
Via giphy
Lipstick itself dates back to Queen Schub-ad or Puabi of Ur (if you can pronounce that then you get a gold star!) who was a Sumerian ruler from around 2500 B.C.
This first lipstick was more of a lip stain and was made from pretty much anything as long as it was highly pigmented and could be smeared on your lips. Popular ingredients included lead (this will be a recurring theme), fish scales, crushed rocks and dung.
Now I will do a lot of things for history, but putting lead and literal shit on my face is not one of them. So let’s call Egyptian lippy a write off and move onto the next stage in our tour of historic lippery:
The Middle Ages
Throughout the middle ages several European countries including France and Spain embraced rouge and lip paint; however England was having none of this – and of course by England, I mean the English church.
The church were not fans of make up on women, in fact women who wore makeup were considered ‘reincarnations of Satan’ which seems a tad strong.
Butthere were no actual laws banning makeup, which resulted in a very fine balancing act and the popular look of ‘makeup that wont piss of your priest’. So slightly tinted lips-ok. Full on red lips – your going straight to hell young lady.
One of the most popular methods to get those slightly tinted but not too tinted lips was crushing up flowers petals.
There’s something weirdly romantic about the idea of flowers as lip tint. It feels very Shakespearean, very feminine, very ‘oh don’t mind me just off to go skip through this meadow wearing a daisy crown’…
If you can’t tell, I was excited to try this out.
Making the flower lip stain was really easy, all I did was get some flowers (I got tulips, because for some reason none of the shops near me sold anything but them and because tulips..two lips…get it) and then ground them up and popped them onto my lips.
The result:
Now if you are wondering, where the fuck is the flower stain? You are not alone.
If I am being generous I’ll say that it maybe stained my lips a bit. But let’s be honest – its basically one shade up from the shade your lips should probably be if you’re not dying.
Which admittedly in the Middle Ages is a win.
Would I try this again? No. The colour payoff is not worth the taste of ground flowers on your lips (which is not nice FYI); get a tinted lip balm and leave this lipstick in the dark ages where it belongs.
I give this 0.5/5.
Elizabethan
By the Elizabethan period English people were onboard the lipstick bandwagon; led by Elizabeth l who loved a bit of lippy.
Red lip on point
Now when I say loved, I mean LOVED. Elizabeth pioneered the first known lip liner (made of red dye and plaster of paris) and was never without a slick of red lipstick.
She actually believed it to have healing powers and it is said that when she died she had lipstick an inch thick embedded onto her lips.
This is something I can get behind. As someone who lives for a matte lip, the idea of lip products burrowing into every lip crevice is neither new nor scary. If anything I was pretty pumped to try out Liz’s own lip recipe
via giphy
Elizabeth I used cochineal, gum arabic, egg whites and vermillion for her statement lip.
For those not up on their deadly beauty ingredients, Vermillion is a red pigment obtained from mercury sulphide – basically its toxic as F and I won’t be putting it on my face.
To make up for this, I used a bit more cochineal than the original recipe would have used (cochineal is a powdered insect used in most red dyes; including food dye, yum!).
So I mixed up my cochineal, gum Arabic and egg whites until I got a bright red lip…mousse…thing.
With that weird mess prepared I moved onto the lip liner, becuase as any self respecting lipstick addict will tell you, liner is the key to a flawless red lip.
I mixed some red dye (a mix of cochineal and beetroot) with plaster of Paris and once it had turned into a liquid… I realised I didn’t know what to do next.
Yup totally nailed it. via giphy
Yeeeah, I hadn’t really thought the lip liner through… but luckily the internet exists! Sadly I couldn’t find any tutorials on making plaster of paris lip pencils.
But fortunately I am a women of many skills, so I macgyvered a plaster of Paris mold using a straw and some tin foil.
Ta Da!! And my art teacher said I had no artistic talent, pffft!
Unfortunately after the lip liner had set I tried to remove it and it immediately broke into roughly 5000 pieces.
The finished product!
I’m optimistically calling the shards of liner, ‘travel sized’
How did it apply?
I applied the lip liner first and it immediately tore the fuckity out my lips.
Don’t use plaster of Paris as a lip liner guys, just don’t. It didn’t even leave a colour, just pain.
After that ordeal I applied the lipstick/mousse.
The result:
Defined lines for daaaaaays
Yeah….It looks like I’ve been punched in the mouth.
Also, no I didn’t have a fit whilst applying this, it just spreads out like that. It might be because of the egg white – which FYI tightens the bejesus out of the skin around your mouth! That’s why my lips are clamped shut in that picture-I couldn’t move them without cracking the skin of my lips (niiiiiice)
On the upside it’s a good red hue, I bet if you used vermillion it would be stunning and only slightly toxic!
Would you use this again?
Not if you paid me! If beauty is pain, this is straight up bullshit.
I give this -2/5 (yup we’re two in and already on negatives!)
Let’s move on…
17th century
After the clusterfuck that was Elizabethan lipstick I’ve moved across the pond to America for my next foray into historic lipstick.
America had a somewhat tempistoous relationship with lipstick during this period. In Pennsylvania it was actually legal to divorce your wife if she had worn lipstick during your courtship, was this was seen as conning a man into marriage.
Yet Americas first First Lady loved lipstick. Martha Washington even had her own unique recipe for the lippy she wore everyday. So naturally I had to check it out.
You can’t really see but Martha’s totally rocking some ‘my lips but better’ lippy.
Spermaceti is a waxy substance found inside a sperm whales head, so for obvious reasons (e.g the law and ethics) I won’t be including this.
So, sans whale head goo, let’s make this lipstick!
I first had to prep the alkanet root, which is a root which naturally produces both red and purple pigments. To get the red dye I had to steep the root in vodka and water for a week. That my friends is dedication.
After this I mixed in all the other ingredients and then, as Martha would have done, ground the shit out of it.
The finished product
Mmmm, cannot wait to get this on my lips
It looked super gross, and it smelled a lot like really wet and musky bark. But at least it had a colour and didn’t contain plaster of paris or egg whites, so my lips were hopefully safe!
The result
Colour wise there isn’t a huge payoff, but there is a clear red tint in there. Admittedly not much, but this does work as a red tint for people scared of red lips. Which makes sense. For a statement lip in a climate where half your country hates makeup, I think this is about as bold as Martha could go.
The main issue was the grease.
Now shocker…lard is greasy, but lard mixed with oil and baslm is a whole other level of greasy. The grease did make my lips shiny (win) but it also made them incredibly heavy and about 10 mins in some of the lipstick glooped onto my shirt. That’s just not what you want.
Would you use this again?
Well first, let me share a fun fact:You may have noticed that my skin in the above image is not filtered, whilst the other images are – that is because I tried this historic lipstick out first and the lard and oil immediately broke me out to a point where I couldn’t show my skin to the internet. So to answer the question, no, no I would not use this again.
I give this 1/5
The Blitz
At the start of World War Two British women were urged to keep up appearances and ensure they maintained a glamorous look at all times.
Hitler was not a fan of makeup (or anything fun) so the allies saw brightly made up women as ‘good for the morale of the nation’.
This of course meant lashings of lipstick.
Makeup brands happily played into this, releasing fun compacts in the shape of military paraphernalia and and lipstick packaged in patriotic shades.
Look how cool!!!!!!
But then rationing hit cosmetics like it did everything else. Yet the expectation for women to retain high make up standards remained. Now one tube of lippy needed to last!
So women came up with ingenious ways to get colourd lips when they were between tubes of the good stuff. One such method was rubbing beetroot directly onto the lips for a wartime friendly lip stain.
Meet nature’s answer to MAC
Now, I was quietly confident about this. After doing a quick Pinterest search, I found tons of women who all swore by beetroot lip stains and had the cherry lips to prove it.
Admittedly these women all also used other ingredients (e.g. coconut oil) and as this isn’t strictly 1940’s, I’d just be rocking raw beetroot- but still Pinterest wouldn’t lie to me…..right?
It turns out that Pinterest is a filthy liar.
I TRUSTED YOU!!!
Ok, fine. I might be being a tad harsh. It’s been a tough few days.
Did it stain my lips? Yes. But not in the way I was expecting it too. I was expecting a cherry pop pout and what I got was a pinky hue, which was nice… but lets be honest; thus colour is not worth the many many minutes of beetroot based effort I put in.
The stain does last all day, which for a Land Girl on the go is ideal; no touch ups required. And the end product doesn’t look out of place with lip stains you can buy today, win!
However– it is pretty drying (not egg white drying, but still) so like the women of the 40’s you do want to keep some Vaseline on you for moisture and shine.
Would I use this again?
It takes a while to get the colour pay off that picture shows and after about a minute of rubbing a raw beetroot onto your lips you do start to question your life choices. Not to the level of ‘why I am rubbing lard and gum arabic onto my lips’…but an existential crisis none the less.
I give this 3/5 Personally, a mini breakdown everyday is a price too high for slightly stained lips. But if you are crazy mentally strong or on rations this does the job.
So thats the historic lipstick testing done, what did I learn?
Elizabethan lipstick doesn’t beat MAC.
Plaster of Paris is evil incarnate
Egg white is the devils own creation
Petals do fuck all
Lard does actually give you spots
It turns out progress happens for a reason and historic make up sucks.
Now I’m off to drink wine and forget this ordeal ever happened!
God knows I love a brew, but only one thing makes a cup of tea perfect: a historic mug.
That’s right your very own B necklace. Staple of all good Anne Boleyn portraits and period drama costumes
What better way to mark your place in the latest Tudor popcorn read, than with your own Queen bookmark?
Christmas just isn’t Christmas without a six wives decoration. They’re traditional (Well, at least I just declared them traditional)
I’m a little bit in love with this charm bracelet, partly because so much thought has clearly gone into it.
God damn I love the internet. Seriously, where else could you find postcards depicting Elizabeth I’s time travelling journey through Montana’s history?
Keen to promote the hand made British lace industry (which was taking a bit of a battering thanks to the industrial revolution!) Vic decided to cover her dress in delicate lace.
F Yeah History 