Why Jane Seymour was actually one wily bitch

The third of Henry VIII’s wives, Jane Seymour, is mainly remembered as the one that Henry liked the most (which is kind of damning, with faint praise) and erm… that’s kind of it.

She’s sort of seen as the wet flannel of his wives. Nice and mainly inoffensive, but… well, she had a reputation as boring.

BUT that couldn’t be more wrong, you see:

Jane Seymour was a wily mother fucker. And I mean that in the best way possible!

Prepare to have all your perceptions of Jane smashed!

So before we get cracking, lets have a quick recap on the life of Jane Seymour (if you want to skip this bit, just scroll down till the break and we’ll see you there! 👋)

Most likely born in 1508, Jane was one of several children born to high up Tudor Courtiers, Margery Wentworth and Sir John Seymour.

Jane’s main role in life was to marry well and pop out a ton of kids (preferably boys). So she was educated to be a wife, with little emphasis on academia, and LOTS of needlework. With her cross stitch mastered, Jane was sent to serve Henry VIII’s 1st wife, Catherine of Aragon, and more crucially – snatch a rich husband.

Jane arrived at court in a huge time of upheaval. In just a couple of years she saw Henry VIII change the country’s religion, divorce Catherine of Aragon and marry Anne Boleyn (who she then served).

BUT by 1536 Henry was falling out of love with Anne and had his sights set on getting off with the woman who was the exact opposite of his wife – that woman was of course, Jane.

So, with Anne proving to be pretty problematic, Henry decided to cut both his losses and Anne’s head (this is, of course, very simplified!)

The day after Anne’s execution, Jane was engaged to Henry and the pair were married 10 days later (so many red flags). Within a year, Jane was pregnant and soon giving Henry the thing he most wanted, a son.

And that’s where the story ends. Jane died on 24th October 1537, following drawn out complications she experienced in labour.

Ok, got all that? Yes? Awesome!

Let’s get down to business and look at just why Jane was in fact not a cute little wifey BUT a calculating master manipulator.

Beware those in pink because on Wednesdays they will come for you!

Ok first things first, let’s get this out the way:

Did Jane Seymour profit off of the death of Anne Boleyn?

Short answer: Yes
Long answer: Yes… but it’s not that black and white!

Here’s the thing, Anne Boleyn was doomed. Her downfall plotted from all sides, it was inevitable that she would be dethroned and disposed of.

And you know what a Queen down means? A WHOLE TON OF POWER UP FOR GRABS!

With the possibility of marrying the king (or at least becoming his mistress) the game was well and truly on – enter The Seymours.

The family had been on the rise for a while, but with Anne’s downfall, it looked like this could be the Seymours’ chance to cash in on some serious power and influence; especially because Henry had already set his sights on his next love:
Jane Seymour (handy that!)

And so, Jane had her family on side to advise, guide and generally ensure she (and more importantly, they) could milk the situation for all it was worth!

Sorry Anne, this situation does include your death…

Jane utilised the demise of Anne Boleyn to her favour – by becoming the exact opposite of Anne.

Anne was outspoken, bold and the focus of any room, so Jane made sure that at all times, she came off as meek, mild and shy.

That’s not to say Jane didn’t follow in any of Anne’s footsteps. In fact she actually used same the play as Anne had in her early days with Henry. Rebuffing his initial romances, hooking him with the thrill of the chase and what he, the man who could have everything, couldn’t have.

But where as Anne had won Henry by turning down his initial romances with a mix of flirtation, sweetness and ambition, Jane went for all doe eyed Bambi innocence.

In fact, according to historian Antonia Fraser, Jane explained that she couldn’t possibly accept the kings gifts, for she had:

‘nothing in the world but her honour, which for a thousand deaths she would not wound… If the King deigned to make her a present of money, she prayed that it might be when she made an honourable marriage’

This was a seriously smart and calculated move!

Just as Anne Boleyn was entering her downfall, rumours of her alleged infidelities we’re spreading like wildfire. The other topic of hot court gossip? How has Jane Seymour remained a devout virgin in such a den of sexual sin? She must be an incredibly upstanding virtuous woman.

Like that, Jane secured her place as Henry’s dream girl.

awww young tyrannical love

BUT being Henry VIII’s dream girl wasn’t a walk in the park, after all this was a man with a body count…

Which brings us to our next point on what makes Jane so ingenious:

She didn’t lose her head!

You see, Jane has the special role in Henry’s wives, as the only one, who was never in danger in getting executed.

Katherine of Aragon was threatened with death and eventually exiled, Anne Boleyn is beheaded, Anne of Cleves divorces Henry in part to ensure she doesn’t end up missing a key part of her anatomy, Catherine Howard is beheaded AND Katherine Parr just narrowly avoids execution.

But Jane? Well Jane somehow managed to maintain her golden girl status.

And you best believe that’s a badge well earned!

What we often forget about Jane is that she had one full year with Henry before becoming pregnant, with what is now often considered her golden ticket, a boy, Edward.

That’s one year with a man who was by now a full on tyrant, with violent mood swings galore and one recently decapitated wife under his belt (not to mention the abused exiled one),

To be blunt, daily life as Henry’s wife was akin to a tightrope walk over shark infested waters.

Henry VIII, King of England and red flags

So how did Jane survive? Well, she played the game.

Like we’ve already covered, Jane courted Henry by playing up to idea of the docile little wife he wanted. And when she was actually his wife, Jane made sure to keep the act up!

She gave herself the Royal motto:
‘Bound to obey and serve’

Now that isn’t to say that Jane didn’t also want to use her new power to fight for what she thought was right. Just months after her marriage she begged Henry to restore the Abbeys he had destroyed years earlier.

In response, Henry reminded Jane of what happened to the last wife that disagreed with him…

After that it seems Jane made a concerted effort to study Henry’s moods, eventually having them down to a fine art.

This meant that unlike her predecessors, Jane knew when to push and more importantly, when to stop pushing.

Because handling Henry VIII is more than similar to handling a pissy toddler

Jane’s ability to handle Henry meant that she was able to:

Bring a Queen back to court

Even before Jane and Henry were married, she was (allegedly) fighting to bring Henry’s estranged daughter, Mary, back to court.

With Spanish ambassador, Chapuys writing:
‘I hear that, even before the arrest of the Concubine [Anne Boleyn] The King, speaking with mistress Jane of their future marriage, the latter suggested that the Princess should be replaced in her former position; and the King told her she was a fool, and ought to solicit the advancement of the children they would have between them, and not any others’

But Jane wasn’t letting this one go. 

She’d known Mary, from her time serving Mary’s Mum, Catherine of Aragon. And had watched on as Mary was cast aside and disinherited – Jane wasn’t going to let this shit continue!

So she continued quietly plugging away, getting the issue on the table under the radar. Until finally Henry agreed, if (and it’s a big IF) Mary would agree his marriage to Catherine of Aragon had been invalid. 

Seriously Henry, could you just try and not be the worst for 1 second

The idea of signing a document declaring her parents marriage invalid broke Mary’s heart. After all, her mother had spent years fighting for that marriages validity; losing so much in that battle.

Yet, signing was Mary’s only hope at ever being able to regain her power.

So, she did, but she did so partly because she knew she now had a strong ally – Jane.

Mary knew that Jane had more than her back; she was one of the only people who was able to control and sway Henry. That’s one powerful person to have on side!

This is in turn led to Henry allowing his other daughter, Elizabeth (Anne’s daughter) back into his life. With the little princess invited back to court for Christmas in 1536.

That’s two Queens brought back into the folds of power, a feat Jane achieved in just 6 months, thanks to her skill at manipulating Henry without him even realising.

And that’s what makes Jane’s death even sadder.

She had such a short time on the throne, yet this master at the long game proved she could have achieved so much, if she had just had time on her side.

So, don’t overlook Jane. Sure she’s quiet, but remember it’s the quiet ones you have to watch.

This was interesting where can  find out more? Sadly there aren’t many books on Jane but I’d suggest Elizabeth Norton’s book on her.

If you want an in depth look at all the wives, than I will always suggest checking out, Alison Wiers, Six Wives 

 

 

Why Catherine Howard is so much more than ‘the slutty one’

Catherine Howard is widely known as the dumb wife, the spoiled bimbo wife, the promiscuous wife. The one who got what she deserved.

Now I’m not saying the rest of Henry Vllls wives don’t have wildly unfair labels attached to them – of course they do. But I’d argue that Catherine’s current historic portrayal is both demonstrably sexist AND hides her incredible true story. A girl who was tormented with sexual assault, blackmail and was constantly used as a puppet for more powerful men’s plans. YET grew up to be determined, ballsy and full of life. 

It’s time to get to know the real Catherine. So let’s start by knocking down some of the misconceptions around her. 

‘Catherine Howard was stupid’

This sits across almost all historic interpretation of Catherine Howard, including those by noted historians. Though Alison Weir offers a sympathetic view of the young Queen in her book, Six Wives, she still sees her as ’empty headed’. Whilst Suzannah Lipscomb describes her as ‘a stupid girl’.

This trend also crops up in more fictitious offerings, with Phillipa Gregory’s The Boleyn Inheritance portraying Catherine as vacuous and thoughtless. And let’s just take a quick look at how shes shown in pop culture smash hit, The Tudors:

One of 1000 blank looks by Catherine Howard courtesy of The Tudors

For her time Catherine Howard was educated as well as any woman was expected (or could be hoped) to be.

She was proficient in household skills, dancing, needlework and music. Put bluntly she was educated in a way that was suited to her gender and class.

Is she is less educated than Henrys other wives? Yes.

Catherines cousin Anne benefited from an education at European courts, Katherine of Aragon and Anne of Cleeves were educated as European Princesses and Katherine Parr was extremely fortunate in having a mother who valued girls education.

But Catherine Howard was never expected to be royalty, she was never expected to be high up in court, the most she was expected to accomplish was a good marriage and her education was the best a woman in her position could hope for. If anything Catherine Howard’s education is the most similar to Henrys favourite wife Jane Seymour.

Jane Seymour: The ultimate ‘can’t get over’ ex

In fact when Catherine becomes consort she rather cannily models herself after this beloved late wife.

She learns from the mistakes of her predecessors and becomes ‘the rose without a thorn’. Catherines motto ‘no other will but his’, takes what Henry sees as Jane Seymour’s best traits but makes them her own. 

She’s submissive and sweet but also more charming, charismatic and vivacious than Jane could ever have been. This is not the move of a teenage bimbo but rather the calculated work of a determined and intuitive young woman.

She was a slut

Acclaimed Historian Lacey Baldwin Smith called Catherine Howard a ‘common whore’ also writing that ‘there never was such a whore’ as she.

And you can see why history loves this portrait of Catherine! It’s just so juicy! A beautiful and promiscuous young woman pulled up to the highest position in the land. Her aging husband gifts her with wealth, comfort and security and she repays him by sleeping around with his most trusted servants and friends.

It’s a story as old as time…but it isn’t a true one. 

Now w jnow that Catherine had sexual partners before marrying Henry Vlll. However modern evidence shows that these early relationships were not romantic whirlwinds but deeply traumatic experiences, based in neglect, emotional abuse and were most likely forced.

That’s right, Catherine Howard was a victim of sexual abuse (feeling bad yet?)

When Catherine was around 12 Henry Mannock was employed as her music tutor. Mannock took a liking to his young student and started attempting to seduce the pre-teen.

Catherine turned down his initial advances stating ‘I will never be naught with you and able to marry me you be not’. Still Mannock continued his persuit and eventually Catherine gave in, giving her tutor permission to touch her ‘secret parts’ in hopes this would placate him and he would ‘desire no more’.

It didn’t work.

Mannock continued to abuse his position of power over Catherine. Actually boasting to friends that he had been with her so much that he knew of a secret mark on her body.

Finally Catherine’s Grandmother (who she was living with at the time) found out about the ‘affair’ and ordered that Mannock never be alone with Catherine. But not before beating Catherine for flinging away the great commodity of her virginity. 

But despite the threat of Mannock being extinguished, there would be no respite for Catherine.

When Catherine was 13, Francis Dereham, a man of low but noble birth was installed as ‘Gentleman Usher’ in the house. Meaning that he was essentially Catherine’s boss. (Warning, its going to get really bleak again)

Though Dereham started affairs with other girls in the house his attention soon turned to Catherine Howard. Once more the young girl resisted and denied consent. Once more she was ignored.

There are accounts of Dereham lifting Catherine’s dress past her naval so he could get a good look at her body. It didn’t stop there, Dereham had a key that allowed him access to the quarters where Catherine and the other girls slept, and using this he frequently ‘lay’ with her.

Soon the pair formed a relationship of sorts, Catherine allowing the affair to go forward under the promise that one day Dereham would marry her.

Dereham did not marry Catherine.

He eventually left, returning to Catherine’s life only when she became Queen. Using their prior relationship as leverage to force himself onto her privy council – in doing so helping to set up both their demises.

so I hear you say:

Fine….BUT didn’t Catherine lie about her past relationships AND THEN have an affair with Thomas Culpepper when she married to Henry VIII? You have to admit, that’s some poor decision making…

I mean have you seen her husband?

Who wouldn’t, am i right?

Look – there is no concrete evidence for an affair between Henry Vlll’s servant Thomas Culpepper and Catherine Howard. However, it is widely accepted that an affair of sorts probably did happen or would have happened eventually (yes it is that super vague and complicated)

For the sake of argument (and ease) let’s say the affair did happen – what does that say about Catherine’s decision making skills?

Ok fine, it doesn’t look good…but stay with me

Look – You do not want to be married to Henry Vlll. Fact. He is a categorically crap husband, especially at this time of his life.

Prone to volatile outbursts and mood swings, he also has a scary amount of power at his disposal (hello one executed wife and Thomas Cromwell his most trusted advisor beheaded on the same day as Catherine and Henrys wedding) oh and he also his a gaping leg wound – just for added sex appeal.

Now imagine being Catherine, a teenager with little experience of Court and a string of abusers behind you. Now married to the King of England, who also happens to be a tyrant. I’d argue that’s a slightly precarious position.

Enter Thomas Culpepper.

Was Catherine finally about to get the knight in shining armour she deserved? Nope! Guess what – Thomas Culpepper was also a dick! Not just any dick though…he was a rapist AND murderer!!!

Yeah, it’s gonna go great!

Prior to meeting Catherine, Thomas Culpepper was accused of raping a park keeper’s wife (whilst serval of his men held her down) and then when people from the local village tried to apprehend him for this crime, he murdered one of them – but don’t worry, Henry Vlll pardoned him for both the rape and the murder, because hey, boys will be boys. 

Culpepper’s contemporary, George Cavendish, described Culpepper as violent, disorderly and arrogant. So essentially an all around stand up gent.

Yet, Culpepper rose quickly at court, and soon becomes one of Henry Vlll’s most vaulued servants.

Around 1541 Culpepper started taking particular notice of Catherine Howard. This date is important because it is also when Francis Dereham blackmailed his way into being on Catherine’s privy council.

It is very likely that Culpepper caught wind of Dereham and Howards previous relationship (because Dereham had a fun habit of telling people all about it).

And it’s also worth noting that around this time the aging Henry Vlll falls very ill and it is looking more and more likely that he may die.

So it’s more than arguable that Culpepper took all of this and used it to his advantage; using knowledge of Dereham and Howards sexual past to gain leverage to meet with the young Queen in private and start to position himself for power come Henry’s death, (perhaps even as the former Queens new husband), through a mixture of flirtation and blackmail. 

The dates fit in with this theory, as does what we know about the kind of man Culpepper was.

Don’t worry it gets worse/more juicy

When both Catherine and Culpepper are arrested for their potential affair, both are quick to point the finger at the other.

Culpepper admitted to intending to do ‘ill with the Queen’ but made it clear that Catherine Howard seduced him. 

This -again- seems unlikely. 

Catherine made a point that her servant, Jane Rochester, was in attendance at every private meeting she had with Culpepper. Serving as both a guard and a witness.

If you’ve heard Jane Rochesters name before, that’s because she was married to Anne Boleyn brother, George. Jane witnessed Anne’s downfall and it was suspected that she provided information that helped send her husband and sister in law to their deaths. So then why would Catherine put a potietial informant in prime place of witnessing treason, if she was the initiator of a sordid affair?

Then there’s the infamous love letter from Katherine to Culpepper. I’m inclined to agree with historian Retha Warnicke’s reading which tells a tale of blackmail rather than passion. Katherine’s wording seems tense and desperate to placate Culpepper, particularly around the ‘promise’ he has made her – most likely a promise to withhold information about her sexual history.

So many dramatic twists and turns

Catherine Howard was so much more than her historic portrayal until now has allowed her to be. And it’s important that as this new evidence and understanding of Catherine’s abuse is acknowledged, we don’t let history rebrand her, from ‘the slutty one’ to ‘the tragic victim’. 

Catherine Howard was a victim of sexual abuse, but she was so much more than that. She was brave, determined and fiesty. Thurst entirely unprepared into a perilous position, Catherine didn’t shrink away, but embraced it. Learning from the Queens that came before her and shrewdly turning their mistakes into her road to glory. She learnt how to manage a tyrant and until her abusers caught up with her, it looked like Catherine would be the Queen that survived Henry VIII. 

In a Me Too era, Catherine’s story not only needs to be told, but celebrated. 

This was interesting, how do I find out more: I’d suggest checking out Josephine Wilkinson’s book: Katherine Howard, The Tragic Story of Henry Vlll’s Fifth Queen. It’s a good starting off point; a thorough read and not so heavy you need an encyclopaedia and pack of highlighters to get through it.